Looking back on 2016, most of my memories are work, work, work. I’ll never forget New Year’s Eve 2015, it sucked. Not only was I the manager on duty, but I had the added pressure of making sure all the numbers balanced. Wouldn’t you know it was the worst closing I had, multiple discrepancies which lead to searching through paperwork, calling customers, and watching the time creep later and later. I left work 2 hours later than expected, tired, stressed out, and just miserable. I ended up fighting with my husband and bailing on my plans to celebrate. Happy fuckin New Year…
Fast forward 365 days later, I’m unemployed and living in Brazil! Never would I have expected to be here today. My plans all year were to focus on work, gain more experience, grow my savings, move into a 1 bedroom apartment with my husband (and our kitty Ziggy), and live an “adult life”. One problem in the plan, I hate waking up everyday to do things I dislike. Each day kills my spirit, I loose the desire to enjoy my life, and I complain all the time. That is not living, that is being a hamster stuck in a wheel that eventually forgets what life was like and accepts the dull routine.
In October my husband and I moved into our 1 bedroom apartment, I took some time off from work to get settled in and unpack before the year end chaos began. I felt like I was an adult, I had my own space and everyone mentioned that now I could walk around naked if I felt like. I have and it is awesome. My last day off was on the 4th, which is my mother’s birthday and we both agreed that we would celebrate later in the week. My husband got home from school after 7pm and I remember I snacking on some chocolate covered peanuts when I got a call from my mom. She told me to get in a cab and come to her place. I asked why and when no answer was given I said Ok as any good Polish daughter. I thought a family member had flown to surprise my mom for her birthday and there was a last minute dinner to attend. But something just didn’t sit right, so I texted my sister and asked what was going on. No answer. Then my mom called and told me that my dad had passed away. My brain could not compute the information. I remember putting the phone down on the couch, looking at my husband and telling him my dad died as I burst into tears. I cannot put into words how I felt in those first minutes and days after his passing. The hardest part to accept is how final death is and at 57 he left me too soon.
The grieving process has been a roller coaster of emotions. I look at life differently now. Family and friends mean more now than ever. I hope to make mistakes because that means I took chances and got out of the hamster wheel. Looking back at these last 365 days I’ve had many laughs with amazing co-workers, deep conversations with friends, snuggles with my Ziggy-pie, last minute plans, ran my first official 5K, reconnected with family, and binge watched shows with my husband. I’ve also dealt with awful human beings who were greedy and self absorbed. I hope karma finds you and when you ask why did this happen, just remember you deserve it.
I hope to keep my father’s rebel soul alive, to question the status quo and reach for the stars. Tomorrow is not a guarantee. Goodbye to the heartache and stresses of 2016. Living life is what I hope for 2017!
Miss you Dad, this one’s for you ❤