I think most people agree that 2016 has not been the greatest year. With the deaths, the wars, the terror attacks, the crazy politicians. I can attest that on a personal side that has 2016 definitely had some very low points.
2016 kicked me in the ass. 2016 got me so low that I cried in my kitchen after the 20th rejection in a never-ending job search, drank too much wine & feared how I was going to pay for the basics in life. Even after the ass-kicking that was 2016, I choose to focus on the positives of the year as I believe that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
I survived (& thrived in) 2016 by embracing the “Not Giving A Fuck” (NGAF) philosophy to life. It is liberating to admit that you just do not care about the things that everyone expects you to. I still give a fuck about the amazing people I have in my life, things like justice & fairness, but the list of things I do give a fuck about has decreased significantly.
I read John C. Parkin’s “Fuck It: The Ultimate Spiritual Way” a few years ago. But, it is hard to not give a fuck about everything, when you have been giving a fuck about everything for so long. It took rejection, failure & the destruction of my constructed self-identity for me to finally throw up my arms & say “Fuck it!”.
Fuck it to focusing on things that waste my time, zap my energy & make me doubt myself. Fuck it to pretending, to acting like a version of myself that is “the right fit” according to someone with a fake smile. Fuck it to lying to myself about how I really want to live my life just because I’m scared I won’t make it. Fuck it to fear. Fuck it to success. Fuck it.
How Not Giving a Fuck Has Improved My Life
I didn’t become a unicorn by NGAF, but I feel better, lighter & freer since giving less of a fuck about things.
As a woman, you are trained to believe you should really give a lot of fucks about a lot of things & people. It is a constant struggle to not give a fuck & say no to a person. I still fail in this sometimes as I genuinely want to help people. Sometimes people take advantage of this .. like that girl whose Sunday work shift I took & she never thanked me afterwards. But, I don’t give a fuck because clearly she does not so why waste my energy?
How NGAF Has Improved My Life for the Better
Besides getting to use the word fuck a lot more, the NGAF philosophy has vastly improved my life.
I didn’t become a millionaire overnight & my problems did not disappear, but I did become freer & more focused.
Here are a few ways in which Not Giving A Fuck has improved my life:
1) I do not care about the things I can not control. I do not worry about what “another person will do” as I can’t control another persons actions. Thus, I do not get upset or frustrated if someone elses stupid actions inconvenience me momentarily.
2) I speak when I want to. I speak up when I want to & I stay silent when I want to. I do not give into peer pressure to speak when I do not want to.
3) I live authentically. I use to always feel that certain aspects of my personality were “wrong”, they made me “difficult” & “unlikable”. Yet, these are not actual personality deficiencies, they are thinks like my ability to be a bitch (i.e. a women who does not back down from something when confronted with an obstacle in her path), my ability to be brutally honest about what is occurring in a situation, & my general dislike for authority. Which are really just characteristics that make me a less than ideal corporate employee …. not a bad person. And they certainly make me a kick-ass women who will get things done.
4) I spend my time doing the things I want to do. Even when I am doing the things I do not want to really do, I know I am doing them in pursuit of a larger goal. Although my tolerance for having to do stupid, pointless things has decreased. I have noticed I will eventually stop doing something stupidly pointless.
5) I do not define my life through the societal constructs of what my life should be. I pursued the life that I was told defined success – successful career that gave me a desk by a window, high-heeled shoes, expensive hair cuts at hip salons & dates with men in suits with powerful jobs. None of these things really made me happy. The career drained me, the shoes hurt my feet, the hair cuts looked no different & the men were assholes. I still love high-heeled shoes & attractive men, but I buy shoes that I can walk in comfortably & pursue men who have depth & goodness.
6) I do not allow people to waste my time. There are people who feel entitled to the time & energy of other people. Unless you are paying me & it is a legitimate aspect of a job, I am going to carefully weigh the amount of time & energy it will take me to do this for you. If you are not employing me or are a strange man who is attempting to monopolize my time as a pick up attempt, I will shut you down. You are not entitled to my time or energy or my politeness.
7) I am pursuing the dreams & fantasies I always held closely to my heart. I have always wanted to be an artists, a bohemian who lives in the city & is surrounded by other intellectuals & artists. I never pursued a life of art, because I was scared about not being good enough & not being able to live (because money). Now that I’ve realized that I am in a situation where I need to do shitty jobs for little money to survive, I said fuck it. I am going to be an artist & do shitty jobs for little money to survive.
8) I am taking risks, feeling my emotions & living life. I use to have this safe little existence. I followed a routine & didn’t take risks. God, was I unhappy. Then life threw me a curve ball. All of a sudden I was feeling a lot of things & started to take risks. There’s been struggle & a lot of humbling experiences, & I know there will be more, but I feel happier because I know I am living.
If you are having a tough year or a tough time dealing with all of the bullshit of life. Know you are not alone. Others are struggling. And I encourage you to try giving less of a fuck about things that are not important. Instead go & do that thing that makes you happy, even if it feels silly or childish. It changed my life, it could change yours.